The dawn rose on a day full of celebration and excitement. Extreme pancake production was the first challenge of the day, undertaken professionally by Sally. These were lovingly prepared in the rolling seas to:
1) finish our stock of eggs, forbidden for entery into the Galapagos;
2) most importantly celebrate captain Simon's birthday and 3) acknowledge Valentines day. With lashings of maple syrup and some refreshing frozen fruit, the pancakes were devoured. Then, with four stow-away Blue footed Boobies hitching a ride and looking on, presents were opened, and pictures snapped.
We are now nearing the Galapagos, arriving sometime tomorrow morning. However, before we drop anchor, there is another important event we are hurtling towards. Soon we will be crossing the equator. Following tradition, this momentous event is marked by a line crossing ceremony. As none on board Shimshal have crossed the equator before, we, as Pollywogs, must ask King Neptune for permission to cross the line. Shimshal's line crossing ceremony thus took place:
King Neptune's Court - Notice of hearing - by yacht Shimshal
(Adapted from Hawkeye's rendition)
Backgroud: All 4 members of yacht Shimshal are all Pollywogs and require the consent of King Neptune to cross the equator. As no one on board is a Shellback, crew member Heather has dived to the depths to bring back a message from the King. She is acting on his behalf, and will be referred to as His Messenger (HM). A hearing will be held to determine if the Shimshal Pollywogs are fit and proper sailors to cross the equator.
Charges:
The entire Shimshal crew: only using 30L of water over 2 days. That's just 3.75L per person per day! …you dirty Pollywogs. Oggling Boobies at close range (at less than the required 2m distance).
Captain Simon: Using a spreadsheet to get optimum work out of his crew. Wearing his T-shirt back to front and pandering to Elon. For being so bold as to have his birthday on Valentines day and on hearing/ line crossing day.
Second in command and Quartermaster, Sally: Convincing Simon to use a speadsheet to organise his wok list, optimising the crews capacity. Consistently providing delicious pancakes (including extreme pancake procedings this morning), hummus, and yogurt to fatten up the crew.
Ship's cheif mechanic, Tim: being too keen to help with everything. Taking over the ship's blog with his own drivel and large photos
Chief Scientific Officer, Heather: failing on her first attempt at a scientific reading, using the Secchi disk. Creating GoPro videos in her vain attempt to become an influencer.
Time and location: The hearing will be held at 1500 ships time in the cockpit of Shimshal on Wednesday 14 February 2024 which is BEFORE the crossing takes place. Maximum hearing length will strictly be no longer than 30 minutes.
Introduction to hearing. HM will appear and take her throne on the stern gin chair to the rousing cheers and applause of all the Defendants. Any Defendants deemed later to have not cheered loudly enough will be liable to have their sentences increased. All Defendants will refer at all times to King Neptune's messenger as “His Messenger’
Proceedings:
HM will outline the background to the hearing
HM will select, by pulling names from a hat, the Defendant to be heard. The remaining Pollywogs will act as HM"s Courtiers, to hear proceedings against each Defendant and to pass sentence. The Courtiers will sit on the Port side of the cockpit.
HM will call each Defendant in turn and ask them to sit in the Dock on the Starboard side of the cockpit, where the charges will be read.
The Defendant will then:
Plead guilty or not guilty
Provide any evidence and/or mitigation that they would like the court to take into account
Only if the plea is guilty may the Defendant suggest their own punishment.
After completing the evidence, the Courtiers will be able to provide their own comments for the court to take into account, including possible punishments
For the avoidance of doubt, all Defendants are guilty until proven guilty and should therefore take note when entering their plea in section 3c
A list of possible punishments is listed in Schedule 1. All participants will note the requirement that:
The list of punishments is not exhaustive and can be added to at the Court's discretion.
No punishment will be allowed that in any way is a hardship.
HM and his Courtiers will consider the evidence provided including any suggestions of a suitable sentence. A sentence will be agreed on by a majority vote
HM will deliver the courts verdict and the required punishment for the Pollywog to become a Shellback
The next Defendant will then take the stand
Finally HM will descent from her throne and enter the Dock. The ship's captain will then ascend the throne and oversea the final proceedings in determining HMs sentence.
Completion: after sentencing and passing across the equator, line crossing certificates will be awarded (electronically, when ‘Elon’ has been turned on) to the new Shellbacks, accompanied by a tattoo, which can be placed wherever they desire.
An Exmoor Gin and Tonic will conclude the ceremony, a sample of which should be given to King Neptune. Huge cheers and applause should accompany the toasting of King Neptune for thanks and safe passage after crossing the line.
Schedule 1: list of possible punishments.
A fresh water bucket wash with eco friendly soapy bubbles
Wearing a brand new clean T shirt
Taking the best close-up of Boobies
Walk the plank/a dùnķing in the sea.
No ginger biscuits for 8hrs
Wearing Simon's T shirt when jumping into the sea.
Cutting/shaving hair
Internet ban for 12 hrs
Buying a round of drinks/coffee at the first port in Galapagos
Swimming across the equator
Shave half a face and keep it that way for the Galapagos inspection.
Find some birthday cake… and eat it too
Acknowledgements: Big thanks to Adam and Allie, for initial inspiration and provision of Exmoor Gin and tattoos. We sail onwards, safe in the knowledge that Neptune has been satisfied and will let us safely carry on with our Pacific Adventure.
